You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
