So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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