yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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