I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have aggressive nipples.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."