HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.