So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
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He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
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I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city