there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
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I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.