I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
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traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think a kid would responsible me up
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Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.