I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
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my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.