I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.