if i can run in heels then i can drive
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.