We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me