I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.