So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/