My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him