dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?