Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police