I'm gonna have a badass scar
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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