I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
