It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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