I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
