I am puke
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
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Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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