I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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