you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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