I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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