I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
