walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
