Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
