I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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