just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
