I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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