i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize