Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
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Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
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My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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