I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
