I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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