Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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