I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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