If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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