the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
