Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
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as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
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Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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