He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
