I wanna bring you to show and tell
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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