Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
