Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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