Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
