i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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