god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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