We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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