I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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