We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
