The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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