2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
