just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize