just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
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