when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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