what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
