WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
