were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
