Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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