Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
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We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
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Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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