I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
