I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
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I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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