M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize